1.
I can’t whine
but once I would
only half-wine
being half the wood
and got the chop
and filled with
sod that
doesn’t spill
and planted here
outside this shop
2.
I too have suffered
from the grisly saw
but more profoundly!
In the dim
and never more
will my leaf stir
like him
like her
who went before
I’m on the ground.
See!
3.
I’m alone
and forlorn
for my owner
is gorn
the little tike
who never rode
on his bike!
(Let’s hope the
new one
sees more
of his bum!)
4.
I will give you
4
lines on
2
legs
naked I’m nobody
even dressed
I’ve no body
just pegs.
5.
Like teeth but too
big to fit under
the pillow
take heed and
tell, sir
be sure to read well,
sir!
Loose and red
we’re piled
near a
willow.
6.
We’re of a similar
shape to bricks
but less for walls
and more for licks
in stalls if in
tho’ rather fed out
than in
to quadrapeds
but we’ve made
beds, it’s true
to those
like you –
being no stranger
to the manger.
7.
Some say that we
stick out like
bollocks on a dog
but we’re filled
with stuff that’d
please a frog
and green to boot!
and round and
mute!
If we’ve lied,
well, there
wouldn’t be
a water-slide!
8.
This hunt is getting
rude now
you’ll find the next clue
lewd now dude
no, not clean,
but at the
pooh
machine!
9.
If you think that’s
yuck
now this one’s really
rotten
we contain the things
that don’t come out
your bottom –
let’s not spoil it
we’re not a toilet –
into us you put
what’s better off
forgotten
lucky there’s two of us
so you can fit
a
lot in.
10.
who is seven?
I am seven
years
in the ground
and from the ground
I reach to heaven.
Who is seven?
I am seven times
as big as you –
it’s my birthday too! –
and every year seven
times seven thieves
come in the wind and
steal my leaves –
my precious ruby leaves.
11.
You’ve learnt the word
“dreck”
and heard about pooh
well, I’m a wreck
full of pussy do.
If you want your
prize
do the thing you
despise
and dig in this
dinghy
for that special wee
thingy!
It’s hardly credible
but those little brown
treats you find
are not edible!
