in his image
listen to the deep
along the lines of
the face and darkness.
a spark, a sink
among the eggshells
outside it all was broken into pieces
and I said, the darkness is not total
the chaos is not fatal
or even original
although, what did Brian think?
it is genetic his favourite
drink his Boy George hat but
he was skinny a grenadine
a double, sinking in his beer like pisschrist,
shotglass wobbles to the bottom of the pint.
bi drunk and on her single bed he was having
a threesome with Tracey he came out and said
with Tracey and a friend, punk girlfriend
and he had to stop to take timeout
he said, two punks and a goth
he had come they had not
because of his one lung
use his inhaler have a cigarette
then go back in again because
he said he liked to watch,
Depth-charge, depth-charger Brian says
he said it so it rhymes with plays
it's not a competition to see if he could
break the record he set on
the last time dole day, Thursday's dole day
of how many he could drink
and more than once
he comes home to the flat bashed in
and spent the rent and
Tracey fixed him up, and he
liked women
but he said,
he was sad and had one lung:
how many can you
and can you afford to
the shot glass sinks to the bottom
of the pint glass
it goes it goes wobbly then goes
clink
softly too,
afterwards, after Brian's bashed in for
what he says it rhymes with lays
to the men at the bar
and jokes that pieces are always
falling off him always are and they
say fucking queer and Tony pulls him away
he was deaf in one ear.
too soft to hear.
I left him in the mall at Cashel Street
it was the eighties '83
badges clinking on his blazer the satin
lapels stained with dribbles or semen
always are I saw him
with his one leg
and crooked smile
walk a crooked mile
to see a sad friend that he had who
topped herself
so he says it rhymes with stays
and a man about a dog
and a man about a pea, Miranda said
who shrinks down to the size
of suicide
and is dead who
gets inside your head
inserts himself in your ear
who
is bent
who means it always did and stays there
down deeper than a vacuum cleaner
deeper down than vomit vomit that
they cannot clear
a human vacuum cleaner
Tracey now is picking at the carpet
pinching fluff between her fingers
finding coins
and applecores
behind the sofa
the flat
came down in a demo
don't look for it
I read the cantos in the turret
but that is not where it began
I began as we all do and I did not become
insufficient brothers sisters brothers
take my arms
take me outside no I'm not like we all do
going to be sick take
my hair need
something from me
along these lines and on the fourth day
he found inspiration
it came to him
as it was on
the first day of creation and
God said
Order up!
He thought
I do think the birds sing to me
piu piu piu piu
like owls the
ringneck doves
and a bird
sang Speak speak speak speak
as he passed
casting shadows on the deep
and as it was
as it was what he was thinking
at the time I think at the time
the present
passed over like clouds casting
shadows on the deep
why write when I can
speak ? why work
when I can sleep ?
so he dreamt he was a famous star
playing in a famous scene and
at the bar a minor bird called out
Mister where have you been?
he dreamt he was Julie Andrews
skiing with her groom
on the mountains of the moon
dreamt of sweeping wide and wider still
round the corners of a frozen hill
a snow-carpeted hill
he dreamt he was in Switzerland
He dreamt of sitting in the window
with a garden view and his love
who was a woman who
He stood up in and
saw into his soul
and how many needed nothing
and he dreamt so he dreamt
of the groom and the vacuum
of the scene and the actor
of the pea in his ear
of the man and the beer
of steps being taken
suspicions he was faking
how many thoughts are dreams ?
and how many dreams are
how many dreams are there
as if dreams are our mother
when she married memories
after sleeping with chaos
he dreamt of an eternal cafe table
and of waiting on it
when God said Order up!
but he was unable
how many dreams are memories
and how many thoughts are
how many thoughts are there?
his mother in the bath
her pubes all tangled in the water
a tattered butterfly
who he said to he thought
it's worth it
I think so too
and waited to
each shall be given
the deserving and the non
the believing and the non
god's gift he said as an actor
you're not too soft
for the extractor
Tracey was a human vacuum cleaner
no, not that way
Is the light on ?
Have the right steps been taken
is the vomit clear?
is there a man in your ear?
a man here and he says
it rhymes with pays
no, not that way
suspicions he was faking
were mistaken
he did not awaken god's gift
from the lucky and the un
forsaken and un
from father son and holy one
will be taken God's gift
he was not and from a man
in your rear depth-
charging your beer
the fizz
holy un
from the gearshift she sat on
to Brian with his hat on
Louie frothing at the mouth
one is
not enough
from the fizz of creation this
one man is not this man
was my brother he was
in arms taken
in his image as was
God's gift in his
from mother and daughter
to mother-daughter too
to unmother daughter
my daughter
how deep is
the water is it
in his image god's gift
too ?
...
11 March 2023