escalation

I love
it’s all I know

Dry yourself
Use my towel
The wind is cold

He’s there in the room
The room is dark

I think he’s going to scare me
I’m so afraid he is
I can’t sleep

I lie awake and
listen to him breathing

Dry your tears
Come to bed

I think,
Any minute now

My heart
the blood in my ears

The blue curtains
glow faintly

The shadow on the chair

Don’t watch me sleeping!

I’m crouched on a chair
ready to spring

crushed
I’m all about escalation
crushed

Shortly before dawn
he leaves

A draught moves the curtain

I love
I get up
and look out the window
on my way back to bed

I’m afraid to turn on the light
in the toilet
or to look in the mirror
in case

calculating
elbow fist
fist forearm elbow

Why does he enjoy scaring me?

the side of the kitchen
the floor of the bed

It’s all I know

hitting one covering the other

Then covering the hitting

with tiles

My man
part woman

my boy
part black

my woman
white

I sleep for a short time
without dreams

A blank period
I am not scared

Before I have to get up

and whatever the future

I cower
I speak

the fear
it can scarcely contain

Don’t let him come back
to wake me up,
please

Lock the door and
wrap the cool sheets
around my body

I miss
Tell him when you see him

There
in the next life,

if he’s going to talk to me suddenly
from the chair
or walk outside past the window

or stand behind me
when despite myself I look,
he should
soon.

calculating
how much glue
is in a fortnight

how many nights
in a square foot

He watches

My hand is deaf
My hammer hand

Don’t tell him
or else he’ll know
I said.

Listen
it’s not you he wants to scare

I love

the blood pounds
at the door
the light leaks out

The wind is cold