I don’t want to be the one who lives here
but the alien
I want to visit your beautiful country
I don’t want to speak this tongue
but the alien
I want to hear your beautiful language
I don’t want to share the words used
to be the one who understands
but the alien
I don’t want to be able to explain
who we are
what is said
how we do things here
I don’t want to be the one who asks what you think
of our beautiful country
but the alien
I want to understand nothing but your laughter
I don’t want to be the one who knows
who we are
and who they are
but the alien
I don’t want to be the one who knows
what we are
and what they are
I don’t want to give them the words
to take out the words they use
to share the words in their mouths
I want to share in your beautiful laughter
and to understand in your smiles
your good will to strangers
I don’t want to be the one with dreams of leaving
anymore
but the alien
I don’t want to be the one who hears
from your beautiful mouth
you are leaving
but the alien
who leaves who just leaves who lies down
and leaves
I don’t want to feel this grief on anyone’s behalf
I don’t want to feel this shame on anyone’s behalf
but I want this grief
but I want this shame
and the shame of grief
and the shame of shame
[written on the occasion of the shooting
Christchurch 15 March 2019]
