listen to the deep along the lines of the face and darkness. a spark, a sink among the eggshells outside it all was broken into pieces and I said, the darkness is not total the chaos is not fatal or even original although, what did Brian think? it is genetic his favourite drink his Boy George hat but he was skinny a grenadine a double, sinking in his beer like pisschrist, shotglass wobbles to the bottom of the pint. bi drunk and on her single bed he was having a threesome with Tracey he came out and said with Tracey and a friend, punk girlfriend and he had to stop to take timeout he said, two punks and a goth he had come they had not because of his one lung use his inhaler have a cigarette then go back in again because he said he liked to watch, Depth-charge, depth-charger Brian says he said it so it rhymes with plays it's not a competition to see if he could break the record he set on the last time dole day, Thursday's dole day of how many he could drink and more than once he comes home to the flat bashed in and spent the rent and Tracey fixed him up, and he liked women but he said, he was sad and had one lung: how many can you and can you afford to the shot glass sinks to the bottom of the pint glass it goes it goes wobbly then goes clink softly too, afterwards, after Brian's bashed in for what he says it rhymes with lays to the men at the bar and jokes that pieces are always falling off him always are and they say fucking queer and Tony pulls him away he was deaf in one ear. too soft to hear. I left him in the mall at Cashel Street it was the eighties '83 badges clinking on his blazer the satin lapels stained with dribbles or semen always are I saw him with his one leg and crooked smile walk a crooked mile to see a sad friend that he had who topped herself so he says it rhymes with stays and a man about a dog and a man about a pea, Miranda said who shrinks down to the size of suicide and is dead who gets inside your head inserts himself in your ear who is bent who means it always did and stays there down deeper than a vacuum cleaner deeper down than vomit vomit that they cannot clear a human vacuum cleaner Tracey now is picking at the carpet pinching fluff between her fingers finding coins and applecores behind the sofa the flat came down in a demo don't look for it I read the cantos in the turret but that is not where it began I began as we all do and I did not become insufficient brothers sisters brothers take my arms take me outside no I'm not like we all do going to be sick take my hair need something from me along these lines and on the fourth day he found inspiration it came to him as it was on the first day of creation and God said Order up! He thought I do think the birds sing to me piu piu piu piu like owls the ringneck doves and a bird sang Speak speak speak speak as he passed casting shadows on the deep and as it was as it was what he was thinking at the time I think at the time the present passed over like clouds casting shadows on the deep why write when I can speak ? why work when I can sleep ? so he dreamt he was a famous star playing in a famous scene and at the bar a minor bird called out Mister where have you been? he dreamt he was Julie Andrews skiing with her groom on the mountains of the moon dreamt of sweeping wide and wider still round the corners of a frozen hill a snow-carpeted hill he dreamt he was in Switzerland He dreamt of sitting in the window with a garden view and his love who was a woman who He stood up in and saw into his soul and how many needed nothing and he dreamt so he dreamt of the groom and the vacuum of the scene and the actor of the pea in his ear of the man and the beer of steps being taken suspicions he was faking how many thoughts are dreams ? and how many dreams are how many dreams are there as if dreams are our mother when she married memories after sleeping with chaos he dreamt of an eternal cafe table and of waiting on it when God said Order up! but he was unable how many dreams are memories and how many thoughts are how many thoughts are there? his mother in the bath her pubes all tangled in the water a tattered butterfly who he said to he thought it's worth it I think so too and waited to each shall be given the deserving and the non the believing and the non god's gift he said as an actor you're not too soft for the extractor Tracey was a human vacuum cleaner no, not that way Is the light on ? Have the right steps been taken is the vomit clear? is there a man in your ear? a man here and he says it rhymes with pays no, not that way suspicions he was faking were mistaken he did not awaken god's gift from the lucky and the un forsaken and un from father son and holy one will be taken God's gift he was not and from a man in your rear depth- charging your beer the fizz holy un from the gearshift she sat on to Brian with his hat on Louie frothing at the mouth one is not enough from the fizz of creation this one man is not this man was my brother he was in arms taken in his image as was God's gift in his from mother and daughter to mother-daughter too to unmother daughter my daughter how deep is the water is it in his image god's gift too ? [11 March 2023]
{ 2023 03 11 }
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